Is Windows a Virus ?

[The picture to the left shows William Gates III eating a freshly home-made cream-and-lemon pie handed to him by one of his supporters.

Question: Is Windows a virus?
Answer: No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do:

They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programmes and systems -- Sigh, okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the users suspect their system is too slow -- okay, Windows does that, too.
Maybe Windows is a virus after all?

Until this point it seemed Windows is a virus, but we discovered fundamental shortcomings:

Viruses generally are well-supported by their authors, run on most systems of their chosen type, are frequently updated, use program code that is fast, elegant, compact and efficient, and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature!

These are categorical, but consistent, characteristics of viruses, which are inconsistent with Windows. We must therefore disqualify it.
Win95 is not a virus --- It's a bug.

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Is Windows a Virus ?