These are Bill-Gates-jokes. Heard any new one lately?
Send it to me, please.
Bill Gates dies in a car accident
He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine,"retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???"
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
Gates Meets God Himself
God brings Clinton, Yeltsin and Bill Gates to his office and says " Men, I've decided to bring an end to the world this Thursday -- I want you to go back and tell your people."
Upon his return, Clinton holds a press conference and says "People of America, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that all these years we've been saying 'one nation under God' we've been right -- there is a God. The bad news is he is destroying the world on Thursday."
Yeltsin makes an announcement to the Russian people and say "Brave comrads, I have bad news and bad news. The first bad news is that we've been wrong all these years -- there really is a God. The other bad news is he is going to destroy the world on Thursday."
Bill Gates calls a board meeting of Microsoft. "I have good news and good news! " he tells them. "The first good news is that God called a meeting of the three people he thinks are the most important in the world and I was one of them. The other good news is that OS/2 stops shipping on Thursday."