Casino Royale

blondes

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves.

The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks,
"What did she roll, anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

Road Check

A road check. The police holds up all cars. A blonde in a sports car is being checked. "Can I see your driving permit, please?" the policeman asks.
"Driving permit?" the blonde looks completely fazed. "Yes, you know, the thing with your picture on it," the policeman says. "Oh, that one. Why didn't you say so," the blonde pawes in her hand bag, digs out her powder compact, opens it, looks into the tiny mirror, smiles and hands the whole thing over to the policeman.
"There's my picture". The policeman looks into the mirror "Aw, look, sorry, if I'd known you're in the forces yourself, I wouldn't have held you up."

Moral: Same as above.

word_for_blondes

51 DAYS

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days! " Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days !"

Questions and Answers


Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.