Bourne End is a small community in the Thames Valley. A few years ago, I had to do
a lot of business with a company there that I shall not name. I am also not prepared to tell
anything about the nature of the business I was involved in. It involved developing software, that
should be obvious from the context.
The collection of Bourne End-isms, as they soon were called, presented here can never be complete,
neither was it started by myself, but rather by a member of said company (that still shall not be
The persons that are mentioned as authors in the list really exist, and are named by their real
names. I hope, this does not enrage them.
I realise that this is something which is not easy to understand, it is something for insiders.
There are some technical terms that perhaps need explanation. I have tried to provide a
glossary at the end of this page. I have completed the collection as well
as I could. Have fun.
|1||And remember, Phil - we´ll get the best automation system in the world.||Beat´s standing phrase on saying good-bye to Phil|
|2||Let's take "Gone With the Wind", for example......||Phil|
|3||You sound like a train spotter calling it a 3410 all the time.||Len|
|4||Or we could have an audio card in all the PCs that would, if anything goes wrong, sound a
female voice saying "Are you aware that driver PC 2 has just gone down ?"
|5||I think we should stop writing in C++ and change to Visual Objects immediately.
It's data driven and better than Clipper. It's great.
|Richard, paraphrasing Peter K.|
|6||Or let's take "Golden Girls", for example.....||Phil|
|7||I mean, it's just a line in ATRAN.INI, isn't it?||Alan|
|8||I'm acting as 'Entertainment Manager' now.||Phil, on the first FAT|
|9||The thing that annoys me is ...||Alan|
|10||Two years I've been telling them ...||Alan|
|11||The bottom line is ....||Phil|
|12||Autotran will be ready in a fortnight.||Phil|
|13||You have to take the afternoon off, I'm afraid. We have to sort things out for a bit.||Phil, on second FAT|
|14||At least we have good ethos.||Tony, quoting Phil|
|15||We know we should develop software that way but ...||Peter B., quoting|
|16||The bug was caused by three words: 'Can you just ...'||Eric the late|
|17||That might be the way other people develop software, that might be the way Microsoft develop software, but it's not the way we do it here.||Phil, Duke of Bourne End|
|18||It'll all be blown over by April, and if it isn't, then we're all out of a job.||Ken (he was wrong like most of the time, it was blown in June and two years later at that)|
|19||'Potentially, this document could be read by customers who wish to ensure that the Autotran software is designed, written and documented to a high standard'||Ally, in his Database Design Document 24/11/94|
|20||At least Steve knows Cstring is a class.||Richard|
|21||We have a lot of software that hasn't been written yet!||John Davies|
|22||That's tomorrow's problem.||Phil|
|23||There's a bug in your neural network.||Anupam|
|24||I'm glad that I did something right.||Steve|
|25||In November, we will be fatting two systems for the Canadians.||Phil|
|26||All you have to do is ...||Peter B.|
|27||SNAFU is FUBAR.||Anupam|
|28||Give me an hour, and I'll have it in place.||Peter B.|
|29||This is typical bloody Rutter, I'll wring his f*#!ing neck!
Entries £ 5 each, winner gets size of pot to date minus my 10%.
|Author can pay £ 10 to preserve anonymity. 'Step for a hint' in multiples of £ 1.00, non refundable.|
|30||Something is not quite right here ....||Steve|
|31||I must see that my double glazing is being put in tomorrow.||John Philipson|
|32||Look, we move the database to the BOLLOCKS directory for the moment .., see?
|33||When I interview a new engineer, I first make sure that he has shoes on. If so, I see whether they have laces on them and if so, I ask him to tie them.||John Philipson|
|34||Just drop us at Boulter's Lock, attaboy, Al!||Chris|
|35||The most important first ... where do we go dinner time?||John Philipson|
|36||Let's remove all rubber doodahs.||Chris|
|37||To use a more technical expression ... It's all fucked up.||Chris, quoting Alan|
|38||BUT YOU WANTED IT THAT WAY!||Peter B. shouting at Beat|
|39||We were never as close as this.||Alan, during rehearsal period in Zurich|
|40||We have to move everything to the BOLLOCKS directory.||Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich|
|41||You look pissed off, Al.||Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich|
Abbrv. Factory Acceptance Test. This is a procedure where a customer wants to make sure that his product works as ordered and is ready to be shipped.
References to Gone With the Wind and Golden Girls:
Examples of a very long (won't fit on one tape) and a rather short TV programme (of the latter more than one episode fit on one tape) - that's what the project was all about, broadcasting TV programmes
This is a supplement to my Bourne End-isms.
The following code lines were found in a C++ module
of a piece of software as it was being tested:
This is also a supplement to my Bourne-End-isms. The following ini file is a
joke, of course. It was just dreamed up as a way to get some fun out of testing software that would not work. Remember the days of Win3.x, when one had to tweak around with *.ini files?
Have some fun with this