Chris' Home Page - Product Labels

Product Labels

You might think you know these silly product lables, we see them
every day. But have you ever read the small print? It's all there ...

On a Taiwanese blanket:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. ( - Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids:
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles:
OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins:
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos:
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The special for shop lifters)
On a bar of Dial soap:
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. ( ... and that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. ( ... printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
On a Japanese food processor:
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
On a child's superman costume:
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
On some Swann frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST. (But it's just a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD. (Whose? mine or thine?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY. (But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (One would hope!)

The best one last! Not really a product label, I know. But still, just imagine
To me, this looks real enough.

Funstuff