Bourne End is a small community in the Thames Valley. A few years ago, I had to do
a lot of business with a company there that I shall not name. I am also not prepared to tell
anything about the nature of the business I was involved in. It involved developing software, that
should be obvious from the context.
The collection of Bourne End-isms, as they soon were called, presented here can never be complete,
neither was it started by myself, but rather by a member of said company (that still shall not be
The persons that are mentioned as authors in the list really exist, and are named by their real
names. I hope, this does not enrage them.
I realise that this is something which is not easy to understand, it is something for insiders.
There are some technical terms that perhaps need explanation. I have tried to provide a
glossary at the end of this page. I have completed the collection as well
as I could. Have fun.
|And remember, Phil - we´ll get the best automation system in the world.
|Beat´s standing phrase on saying good-bye to Phil
|Let's take "Gone With the Wind", for example......
|You sound like a train spotter calling it a 3410 all the time.
|Or we could have an audio card in all the PCs that would, if anything goes wrong, sound a
female voice saying "Are you aware that driver PC 2 has just gone down ?"
|I think we should stop writing in C++ and change to Visual Objects immediately.
It's data driven and better than Clipper. It's great.
|Richard, paraphrasing Peter K.
|Or let's take "Golden Girls", for example.....
|I mean, it's just a line in ATRAN.INI, isn't it?
|I'm acting as 'Entertainment Manager' now.
|Phil, on the first FAT
|The thing that annoys me is ...
|Two years I've been telling them ...
|The bottom line is ....
|Autotran will be ready in a fortnight.
|You have to take the afternoon off, I'm afraid. We have to sort things out for a bit.
|Phil, on second FAT
|At least we have good ethos.
|Tony, quoting Phil
|We know we should develop software that way but ...
|Peter B., quoting
|The bug was caused by three words: 'Can you just ...'
|Eric the late
|That might be the way other people develop software, that might be the way Microsoft develop software, but it's not the way we do it here.
|Phil, Duke of Bourne End
|It'll all be blown over by April, and if it isn't, then we're all out of a job.
|Ken (he was wrong like most of the time, it was blown in June and two years later at that)
|'Potentially, this document could be read by customers who wish to ensure that the Autotran software is designed, written and documented to a high standard'
|Ally, in his Database Design Document 24/11/94
|At least Steve knows Cstring is a class.
|We have a lot of software that hasn't been written yet!
|That's tomorrow's problem.
|There's a bug in your neural network.
|I'm glad that I did something right.
|In November, we will be fatting two systems for the Canadians.
|All you have to do is ...
|SNAFU is FUBAR.
|Give me an hour, and I'll have it in place.
|This is typical bloody Rutter, I'll wring his f*#!ing neck!
Entries £ 5 each, winner gets size of pot to date minus my 10%.
|Author can pay £ 10 to preserve anonymity. 'Step for a hint' in multiples of £ 1.00, non refundable.
|Something is not quite right here ....
|I must see that my double glazing is being put in tomorrow.
|Look, we move the database to the BOLLOCKS directory for the moment .., see?
|When I interview a new engineer, I first make sure that he has shoes on. If so, I see whether they have laces on them and if so, I ask him to tie them.
|Just drop us at Boulter's Lock, attaboy, Al!
|The most important first ... where do we go dinner time?
|Let's remove all rubber doodahs.
|To use a more technical expression ... It's all fucked up.
|Chris, quoting Alan
|BUT YOU WANTED IT THAT WAY!
|Peter B. shouting at Beat
|We were never as close as this.
|Alan, during rehearsal period in Zurich
|We have to move everything to the BOLLOCKS directory.
|Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich
|You look pissed off, Al.
|Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich
Abbrv. Factory Acceptance Test. This is a procedure where a customer wants to make sure that his product works as ordered and is ready to be shipped.
References to Gone With the Wind and Golden Girls:
Examples of a very long (won't fit on one tape) and a rather short TV programme (of the latter more than one episode fit on one tape) - that's what the project was all about, broadcasting TV programmes