Bourne End is a small community in the Thames Valley. A few years ago, I had to do
a lot of business with a company there that I shall not name. I am also not prepared to tell
anything about the nature of the business I was involved in. It involved developing software, that
should be obvious from the context.
The collection of Bourne End-isms, as they soon were called, presented here can never be complete,
neither was it started by myself, but rather by a member of said company (that still shall not be
named here).
The persons that are mentioned as authors in the list really exist, and are named by their real
names. I hope, this does not enrage them.
I realise that this is something which is not easy to understand, it is something for insiders.
There are some technical terms that perhaps need explanation. I have tried to provide a
glossary at the end of this page. I have completed the collection as well
as I could. Have fun.
| no | Quote | Author |
| 1 | And remember, Phil - we´ll get the best automation system in the world. | Beat´s standing phrase on saying good-bye to Phil |
| 2 | Let's take "Gone With the Wind", for example...... | Phil |
| 3 | You sound like a train spotter calling it a 3410 all the time. | Len |
| 4 | Or we could have an audio card in all the PCs that would, if anything goes wrong, sound a female voice saying "Are you aware that driver PC 2 has just gone down ?" | Phil, dreaming |
| 5 | I think we should stop writing in C++ and change to Visual Objects immediately. It's data driven and better than Clipper. It's great. | Richard, paraphrasing Peter K. |
| 6 | Or let's take "Golden Girls", for example..... | Phil |
| 7 | I mean, it's just a line in ATRAN.INI, isn't it? | Alan |
| 8 | I'm acting as 'Entertainment Manager' now. | Phil, on the first FAT |
| 9 | The thing that annoys me is ... | Alan |
| 10 | Two years I've been telling them ... | Alan |
| 11 | The bottom line is .... | Phil |
| 12 | Autotran will be ready in a fortnight. | Phil |
| 13 | You have to take the afternoon off, I'm afraid. We have to sort things out for a bit. | Phil, on second FAT |
| 14 | At least we have good ethos. | Tony, quoting Phil |
| 15 | We know we should develop software that way but ... | Peter B., quoting |
| 16 | The bug was caused by three words: 'Can you just ...' | Eric the late |
| 17 | That might be the way other people develop software, that might be the way Microsoft develop software, but it's not the way we do it here. | Phil, Duke of Bourne End |
| 18 | It'll all be blown over by April, and if it isn't, then we're all out of a job. | Ken (he was wrong like most of the time, it was blown in June and two years later at that) |
| 19 | 'Potentially, this document could be read by customers who wish to ensure that the Autotran software is designed, written and documented to a high standard' | Ally, in his Database Design Document 24/11/94 |
| 20 | At least Steve knows Cstring is a class. | Richard |
| 21 | We have a lot of software that hasn't been written yet! | John Davies |
| 22 | That's tomorrow's problem. | Phil |
| 23 | There's a bug in your neural network. | Anupam |
| 24 | I'm glad that I did something right. | Steve |
| 25 | In November, we will be fatting two systems for the Canadians. | Phil |
| 26 | All you have to do is ... | Peter B. |
| 27 | SNAFU is FUBAR. | Anupam |
| 28 | Give me an hour, and I'll have it in place. | Peter B. |
| 29 | This is typical bloody Rutter, I'll wring his f*#!ing neck! Entries £ 5 each, winner gets size of pot to date minus my 10%. | Author can pay £ 10 to preserve anonymity. 'Step for a hint' in multiples of £ 1.00, non refundable. |
| 30 | Something is not quite right here .... | Steve |
| 31 | I must see that my double glazing is being put in tomorrow. | John Philipson |
| 32 | Look, we move the database to the BOLLOCKS directory for the moment .., see? BOLLOCKS | Kiddy Kidson |
| 33 | When I interview a new engineer, I first make sure that he has shoes on. If so, I see whether they have laces on them and if so, I ask him to tie them. | John Philipson |
| 34 | Just drop us at Boulter's Lock, attaboy, Al! | Chris |
| 35 | The most important first ... where do we go dinner time? | John Philipson |
| 36 | Let's remove all rubber doodahs. | Chris |
| 37 | To use a more technical expression ... It's all fucked up. | Chris, quoting Alan |
| 38 | BUT YOU WANTED IT THAT WAY! | Peter B. shouting at Beat |
| 39 | We were never as close as this. | Alan, during rehearsal period in Zurich |
| 40 | We have to move everything to the BOLLOCKS directory. | Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich |
| 41 | You look pissed off, Al. | Chris, after rehearsal period in Zurich |
Glossary
FAT:
Abbrv. Factory Acceptance Test. This is a procedure where a customer wants to make sure that his product works as ordered and is ready to be shipped.
References to Gone With the Wind and Golden Girls:
Examples of a very long (won't fit on one tape) and a rather short TV programme (of the latter more than one episode fit on one tape) - that's what the project was all about, broadcasting TV programmes
Autotran, 3410:
product names